14: "IS SHE THE REASON..."

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The sister circle has convened in full force. Jasmine, Jamaica, Keisha, Michelle and Sade have all gathered in my small apartment.

Operation Get Ata Back to Normal is in full effect.

I have been trolling the recesses of my mind, trying to figure out how on earth I arrived at this point with Abram.

I think he hates me.

No seriously, I do.

Since that day he had 'company', we haven't spoken to each other.

Not even once.

That was seven days ago. Seven.

He called me the day after I spoke to him. The first time, I didn't answer. He left no message.

My phone immediately rang again. This time, he left a message.

"Ata, if you don't answer, we'll never resolve this." All he said.

He hasn't called since. And I refuse to call him. The fact that he didn't call me back that night and waited until the next day has allowed all kinds of crazy thoughts to invade and take over my mind.

Company. Hmph.

"Ata, you've got to stop moping around. Let's go out tonight, get our dance on." Jam says, rubbing my arm.

"No, I don't feel like it, you guys ... really. I'm gonna stay in tonight."

I should call him. I know I should. After all, I am the origin of this whole ordeal in the first place.

Something about 'company', though. Something about that pissed me off. Can't seem to get un-pissed.

"Well we're not going to just sit around here and let you be miserable. We'll just have to drag you out. And if it's that serious Ata, just call the man. Dang." Jasmine chimes in.

"I'm not calling him."

"So you're gonna let something this minute keep you from happiness? You don't even know, it could have been his cousin or something. If it was even a girl. If he even had company at all. You know how men are Ata." Michelle reasoned.

"Doubt it." I say stubbornly.

We spend the next hour and a half talking, laughing, and listening to music. They manage to breakthrough, put me in a better mood. By the time they are preparing to leave, I feel much better.

I love my friends.

I make the decision to go over there. I need to look at him when we talk about this.

Need to see his eyes.

I shower, wash my hair, put it in a low puff, slip into my favorite summer dress and heels, and perfect the makeup.

Hotness.

I leave home feeling on top of the world. Even stop by CVS and purchase a cute 'I'm sorry' card for extra measure. When I pull up to his place, I'm thankful to see his car parked in his usual spot. I strut up, giving myself a pep talk the entire way.

I can do this.

Two light knocks is all I give. A tinge of nerves has crept up on me all of a sudden. When the door starts to open, I pull my lips into the sweetest smile.

I start before it opens all the way. "Before you speak, let me just say ..." Then I stop.

It isn't Abram. Not even close.

Unless of course he has grown a pair, a nice pair, of boobs and decided to get tracks that hang down his back.

She is gorgeous.

... And she is answering his door. Abram's door. My man's door. This gorgeous woman just answered my man's door.

Oh. hell. no.

She looks startled, a worried look crossing her face as she witnesses my sweet grin be immediately replaced with a grim expression.

"Hello ..." She says, straining her expression into a nervous smile.

"Hey Tisha, who is it?" Abram's voice rings out from the depths of his large apartment.

"You know what, that's not important." I say before she can even ask. I turn away, hoping to escape before Abram makes his way to the front.

I'm not fast enough.

"Ata! Wait! Where are you going? Ata!" He yells as he runs out his front door.

"I don't want to hear it, Abram! Save it. Just save it." I yell, tears stinging my irises. I pick up the pace, reach my car, lock both doors.

Abram is still yelling, screaming something incomprehensible to my angry ears.

I don't even know who he is anymore.

I am beyond pissed. I speed off, stubborn tears flowing down my cheeks.

I'm just gonna drive. Don't know where to, but, I just need to drive. Have to get away. I pop in my Destiny's Child cd. Blast track number five. Lose myself in the lyrics, and drive.

Is she the reason you don't call like you use to?
Fall through my hood like you used to
or put it on me hard like you used to do ...
I know in my mind what's going on
but my heart won't let me go until I know ...

Damn.