where Ms. Ata has been, no worries. lol
i have decided that there will probably only be 20 chapters to this blog. after that, you'll have to buy the book. lol. just kidding ... about the book that is. not totally sure if i will make this into a full-length novel or what, but i shall decide once i reach chapter 20.
in the next four weeks, i shall be posting one chapter a week, starting tomorrow, and each Wednesday after that. if the interest is there, i may choose to keep Ata, Abram and crew alive for more chapters.
truly appreciate all the comments, emails, and feedback i've received regarding Ata and my fiction in general. i do plan on creating another fiction blog, so stay tuned. :-)
thank you all for your patience. hope you enjoy!
-Shanae'
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Friday, January 30, 2009
16: "FOUND"
NOTE: if you missed any chapters, please click on the chapters/installments on the left to catch up! thanks!
"Ata. Come on Ata, I know you hear me."
Abram stands at the far end of the pier, his voice loud and clear behind me.
Less than two hours after I told him I needed to be alone, he has come down here anyway. I should have known when I said I was downtown that he'd know I was talking about the Riverwalk.
I keep walking. I don't want to look him in his face and see him lie to me. I can't take it.
"Ata! Stop. You really gonna make me run after you?" He says, trying to still keep his pride. He speeds up his pace, but doesn't run.
The tears have already begun. Thinking about Abram being with another woman literally makes me sick to my stomach. I have to breathe. Remember to breathe.
I continue walking. He won't get a response from me. Not right now.
"Ata! Ata stop walking and talk to me!"
The sun, which had briefly made an appearance earlier, has hidden beneath the clouds once more, and the bright, sunny day almost looks dreary now. My short, flimsy dress whips in the suddenly strong winds, as does the pony gathered at the base of my neck. The tears spilling from my eyes slant towards my ears instead of downwards, and are almost dried invisible by the time they reach them.
I reach up, wipe my eyes with my fingertips. Keep walking. When I look around I realize we are creating a spectacle. I have now become the dramatic entertainment for the same people I was watching and shooting earlier. All eyes are trained on Abram and I.
Once upon a time I would have done anything for him. Once upon a time I would have believed a man telling me he loved me. That he didn't mean to purposely hurt me. But I am scarred. And that scar is slowly beginning to throb, past pain ebbing to the surface, reminding me why I took a year-long break from love after Jaylen. That scar is telling me he is lying.
That scar is telling me to run.
"Abram ... I think we should just let sleeping dogs lie and just be done. This is obviously not a healthy thing for either one of us. You obviously don't trust me, and now, I don't trust you." A vision of that woman flashes in my brain, causes my betraying eyes to tear.
Abram looks at me in disbelief, shakes his head. "Ata. I'm telling you, I swear to you baby, that was nothing romantic. She is a representative for the label. I told her to open the door only because I was upstairs. I swear, babe. Don't do this. I know I've been avoiding you. I'm not perfect, not even close. I can be an ass if I feel I have to be. That whole Jaylen situation, you missing my show ... it hurt me. Hurt me worse than it should have. I know pain, Ata, and that shit ain't fun. I know pain. I'm not trying to go down that road again."
Everyone knew pain at some point in their life. I was pretty close with it myself right now.
"You know the pain of having some strange man answer my door after a week of not talking to you, Abram? Do you know that pain?"
He sighs, shakes his head, knowing that this isn't going to be easy. I am so sick of the excuses men make. So tired of being on the short end of the stick. I know I was wrong, missing Abram's performance was something that should have never happened. But for him to get me back like this is unacceptable.
"Ata. I told you, Ticia is a representative of the label I'm trying to sign to. No, she shouldn't have been answering my door. Yes, she is a beautiful woman. But she's insignificant. I'm serious when I say I love you. I don't want her, or any other woman at this point. But I won't be disrespected. I won't deal with you frolicking around with your ex while I'm across town waiting on you. I won't deal with not being important enough for you to remember what could be a life-changing event for me. You should know that, Ata."
With this, he takes my hands into his. "And I know you love me too. You wouldn't be this upset otherwise. So stop crying. It's making me soft." He says with a slight smile, touching his heart with his free hand.
I can't help but curl the corner of my mouth up a bit as he gently wipes my tears away with his large thumb. The wind is still forcefully singing its pre-thunderstorm song, and numerous people are still tuned into our Real World episode.
He sounds so sincere, the look in his eyes so genuine, I calm myself, take a moment and breathe. Try to remember that all men are not created equal. Remember all the intimate conversations and tender moments we've shared in his bed on lazy Saturday mornings. Remember the look of adoration in his eyes each time I step into his viewpoint. Recall all the 'just because' emails, texts, and phone calls to let me know he's thinking of me.
Oh snap.
He does love me.
The more I reflect, the more apparent it becomes. My body warms on the inside at the thought of this not perfect but damn near there man, loving ... me. I sniffle. Turn my face away from his piercing gaze, then back again. He pulls me to him, his cologne mixing with the smell of this windy summer day.
"Did you at least get signed?" I ask, finally, breaking the loud silence between us.
He sighs once more. "Don't know yet. I tried to get back on task after you left, but my mind was gone. Was hoping you didn't have a knee-jerk reaction and go do something crazy. She was cool about it though. They want me to meet up with them later in the week at the offices."
"Something crazy like what?"
"Something irreversible. Just kept thinking you were on your way to Jaylen's. Shit was eating me up. I knew I had to get to you today. Would've been driving me crazy all night."
"Told you it wasn't like that."
"Yeah well, the nigga has disrespected me twice already. It's not a stretch. Just be glad I didn't have to find out." He says, the irritation acute in his tone.
We turn to walk back towards the parking lot where our cars wait. The previous onlookers have now moved on from our drama and are now enraptured by a bouncy little girl dancing in the fountains, her long pigtails whipping around with each joyous movement. So cute.
"You're right. I do." I say, smiling up at Abram's handsome face.
He kisses the back of my right hand, still entwined in his left. "You do what?"
"Love you."
"Of course you do, sweetheart." He says matter-of- factly.
I want to inquire more about the woman from the label. Need to know the why, what and wheres of that situation, but I make the temporary decision of letting it be. Don't want to ruin this moment. Don't want this feeling of being loved to leave right now.
In time though, all questions must be answered. I just hope I am prepared for the answers.
"Ata. Come on Ata, I know you hear me."
Abram stands at the far end of the pier, his voice loud and clear behind me.
Less than two hours after I told him I needed to be alone, he has come down here anyway. I should have known when I said I was downtown that he'd know I was talking about the Riverwalk.
I keep walking. I don't want to look him in his face and see him lie to me. I can't take it.
"Ata! Stop. You really gonna make me run after you?" He says, trying to still keep his pride. He speeds up his pace, but doesn't run.
The tears have already begun. Thinking about Abram being with another woman literally makes me sick to my stomach. I have to breathe. Remember to breathe.
I continue walking. He won't get a response from me. Not right now.
"Ata! Ata stop walking and talk to me!"
The sun, which had briefly made an appearance earlier, has hidden beneath the clouds once more, and the bright, sunny day almost looks dreary now. My short, flimsy dress whips in the suddenly strong winds, as does the pony gathered at the base of my neck. The tears spilling from my eyes slant towards my ears instead of downwards, and are almost dried invisible by the time they reach them.
I reach up, wipe my eyes with my fingertips. Keep walking. When I look around I realize we are creating a spectacle. I have now become the dramatic entertainment for the same people I was watching and shooting earlier. All eyes are trained on Abram and I.
Once upon a time I would have done anything for him. Once upon a time I would have believed a man telling me he loved me. That he didn't mean to purposely hurt me. But I am scarred. And that scar is slowly beginning to throb, past pain ebbing to the surface, reminding me why I took a year-long break from love after Jaylen. That scar is telling me he is lying.
That scar is telling me to run.
"Abram ... I think we should just let sleeping dogs lie and just be done. This is obviously not a healthy thing for either one of us. You obviously don't trust me, and now, I don't trust you." A vision of that woman flashes in my brain, causes my betraying eyes to tear.
Abram looks at me in disbelief, shakes his head. "Ata. I'm telling you, I swear to you baby, that was nothing romantic. She is a representative for the label. I told her to open the door only because I was upstairs. I swear, babe. Don't do this. I know I've been avoiding you. I'm not perfect, not even close. I can be an ass if I feel I have to be. That whole Jaylen situation, you missing my show ... it hurt me. Hurt me worse than it should have. I know pain, Ata, and that shit ain't fun. I know pain. I'm not trying to go down that road again."
Everyone knew pain at some point in their life. I was pretty close with it myself right now.
"You know the pain of having some strange man answer my door after a week of not talking to you, Abram? Do you know that pain?"
He sighs, shakes his head, knowing that this isn't going to be easy. I am so sick of the excuses men make. So tired of being on the short end of the stick. I know I was wrong, missing Abram's performance was something that should have never happened. But for him to get me back like this is unacceptable.
"Ata. I told you, Ticia is a representative of the label I'm trying to sign to. No, she shouldn't have been answering my door. Yes, she is a beautiful woman. But she's insignificant. I'm serious when I say I love you. I don't want her, or any other woman at this point. But I won't be disrespected. I won't deal with you frolicking around with your ex while I'm across town waiting on you. I won't deal with not being important enough for you to remember what could be a life-changing event for me. You should know that, Ata."
With this, he takes my hands into his. "And I know you love me too. You wouldn't be this upset otherwise. So stop crying. It's making me soft." He says with a slight smile, touching his heart with his free hand.
I can't help but curl the corner of my mouth up a bit as he gently wipes my tears away with his large thumb. The wind is still forcefully singing its pre-thunderstorm song, and numerous people are still tuned into our Real World episode.
He sounds so sincere, the look in his eyes so genuine, I calm myself, take a moment and breathe. Try to remember that all men are not created equal. Remember all the intimate conversations and tender moments we've shared in his bed on lazy Saturday mornings. Remember the look of adoration in his eyes each time I step into his viewpoint. Recall all the 'just because' emails, texts, and phone calls to let me know he's thinking of me.
Oh snap.
He does love me.
The more I reflect, the more apparent it becomes. My body warms on the inside at the thought of this not perfect but damn near there man, loving ... me. I sniffle. Turn my face away from his piercing gaze, then back again. He pulls me to him, his cologne mixing with the smell of this windy summer day.
"Did you at least get signed?" I ask, finally, breaking the loud silence between us.
He sighs once more. "Don't know yet. I tried to get back on task after you left, but my mind was gone. Was hoping you didn't have a knee-jerk reaction and go do something crazy. She was cool about it though. They want me to meet up with them later in the week at the offices."
"Something crazy like what?"
"Something irreversible. Just kept thinking you were on your way to Jaylen's. Shit was eating me up. I knew I had to get to you today. Would've been driving me crazy all night."
"Told you it wasn't like that."
"Yeah well, the nigga has disrespected me twice already. It's not a stretch. Just be glad I didn't have to find out." He says, the irritation acute in his tone.
We turn to walk back towards the parking lot where our cars wait. The previous onlookers have now moved on from our drama and are now enraptured by a bouncy little girl dancing in the fountains, her long pigtails whipping around with each joyous movement. So cute.
"You're right. I do." I say, smiling up at Abram's handsome face.
He kisses the back of my right hand, still entwined in his left. "You do what?"
"Love you."
"Of course you do, sweetheart." He says matter-of- factly.
I want to inquire more about the woman from the label. Need to know the why, what and wheres of that situation, but I make the temporary decision of letting it be. Don't want to ruin this moment. Don't want this feeling of being loved to leave right now.
In time though, all questions must be answered. I just hope I am prepared for the answers.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
hello everyone...
hello, ladies... gents. *smiles*
first, i want to say thank you for reading. thank you for enjoying. you all honestly have NO IDEA how much it means to me when someone enjoys my fiction.
i know i said new chapters would be up every week, but life got busy (in a very sad way) and volleyball season started, and i didn't want it to have an effect on the outcome of Ata's life. lol.
now, all is well. well, much better... so i will begin posting again. i also have been so lucky as to have a male blogger agree to write a few chapters from Abram's perspective so we can spice things up a bit. (yay!)
thank you all for being patient and loyal readers... i will do my best to keep you entertained and interested in Ata's life!
*smooches*
-Muze
first, i want to say thank you for reading. thank you for enjoying. you all honestly have NO IDEA how much it means to me when someone enjoys my fiction.
i know i said new chapters would be up every week, but life got busy (in a very sad way) and volleyball season started, and i didn't want it to have an effect on the outcome of Ata's life. lol.
now, all is well. well, much better... so i will begin posting again. i also have been so lucky as to have a male blogger agree to write a few chapters from Abram's perspective so we can spice things up a bit. (yay!)
thank you all for being patient and loyal readers... i will do my best to keep you entertained and interested in Ata's life!
*smooches*
-Muze
Monday, August 18, 2008
15: "JUST BUSINESS"
A heavy heart and a few sorrowful songs on repeat has led me to the river. The Detroit Riverfront.
They've built it up nicely down here. The perfect mile-long stroll for couples on a summer day. Or, for a lovesick woman who just wants to be alone. The clouds have even covered the sun in honor of my heartache, made for a more melancholy forecast.
I park, sit, and stare out of my windshield at all the happy couples, holding hands, laughing, smiling. That used to be us. Just two short weeks ago, that was Abram and I. This used to be one of our favorite places to spend a Sunday afternoon.
I have driven him to another woman. The reality of the gray door with the gold, horseshoe-shaped knocker that I've grown so fond of, being opened by some strange, beautiful woman, hits me. Hits me hard. The tears that haven't already abandoned my ducts in the earlier flood rush to the white of my eyes, prepare for their fall.
I can't believe this.
My sweet, sweet Abram. The one who held my face tenderly and said he was falling for me, just a few weeks ago. The one who said he could see forever in my eyes. The one who, after every night of unequivocally passionate love-making, wakes up to me, pulls me close to his warmth, nuzzles his face in my cloud of hair, and whispers that this is exactly what he wants to do tomorrow morning. And the morning after that. And the next after that until he has reached his final waking morning.
That same Abram just had a woman open his door and greet me, with a smile, ample cleavage, and no knowledge of who the fuck I was.
I grab my camera, visions of Abram and that woman doing all sorts of ungodly things stampeding through my head, each pound another nail in the coffin of my belief in love. I have got to clear my mind.
A long stroll along the riverwalk proves beneficial. I take a few shots of the kids playing in the newly-added fountains in the GM Plaza. A few shots of passers-by blasting old school music from their speedboats. And a few couples, quietly enjoying their afternoon, the intimate gazes and interlocking of fingers reminding me of what I'm missing. Strumming my pain.
My phone rings about ten times. All Abram. I don't answer.
Now he wants to talk. Hmph. Now he can call. Too late. There is nothing I want to hear from him right now. Nothing.
But persistence pays off, I guess. After about the twentieth call from his cell number, I pick up.
"What do you want, Abram." I don't hide my disgust at all.
"Oh, hello, Ata?" He stumbles as if he wasn't expecting me to answer. "Baby, we need to talk. That, what you saw back there... it's not what you think."
"You've had all these hours and you couldn't come up with anything more original than 'it's not what you think', Abram? Come on now."
"It's the truth, Ata. That was just business, I swear."
"Couldn't tell you the last time I had my 'business' guest's cleavage answering my door, Abram. Must be a really sweet deal. You've been avoiding me, being rude on the phone, not answering half my calls, all because you thought I was with my ex when you heard him in the background on the phone. But I get to your house and this heifer is answering your door with her breasts hanging all out? Forgive me if I'm not buying your bull."
"I'm not saying I was right, Ata. I've been pulling back a little, yes. But that Jaylen incident... that threw me a little. Made me realize that I have feelings invested in you, Ata. I'm not trying to get hurt. Not trying to be played. Being honest, that scared me a little. A lot."
Why do men always used the 'I don't want to get hurt' excuse for everything they do. I don't want you to hurt me baby, that's why I was with her. I can't let you hurt me, that's why I didn't call.
What. The. Fuck. Ever.
"Save it, Abram. All you had to do was talk to me. But not right now. Right now, I'm about to go. I'm downtown by myself, and that's what I want to do. Be by myself. So, bye."
"Ata ... don't hang up. I love you, Ata. I swear I do. And I had this really elaborate plan I was going to do, and it was going to be face to face when I told you, but I feel like I need to say it now. I love you. This past week has made me realize it even more. I don't even want to think of me being without you."
I try to stop them, but the tears spring up without my consent. Well up in my eyes and blur my vision of the beautiful day. My feet stop moving and all I can do is stand there. I've wanted to hear this from him for so long. So long. But like this? He waits until he has to get back in my good graces and pulls the 'I love you' trump card.
"Abram, I've got to go. Good bye." I curse my betraying voice for cracking as I speak.
"Don't hang up after I just spilled my heart to you, Ata. Don't do that. You don't want to hang up. You want to work this out. So just tell me where you're at downtown and I'll come there."
The tears congregate more, but I refuse to let them drop. It wasn't supposed to be like this. It just wasn't.
"I'll talk to you later, Abram." I say, hanging up as he starts to plead his case once again.
Business? That's the best he could come up with? No way.
They've built it up nicely down here. The perfect mile-long stroll for couples on a summer day. Or, for a lovesick woman who just wants to be alone. The clouds have even covered the sun in honor of my heartache, made for a more melancholy forecast.
I park, sit, and stare out of my windshield at all the happy couples, holding hands, laughing, smiling. That used to be us. Just two short weeks ago, that was Abram and I. This used to be one of our favorite places to spend a Sunday afternoon.
I have driven him to another woman. The reality of the gray door with the gold, horseshoe-shaped knocker that I've grown so fond of, being opened by some strange, beautiful woman, hits me. Hits me hard. The tears that haven't already abandoned my ducts in the earlier flood rush to the white of my eyes, prepare for their fall.
I can't believe this.
My sweet, sweet Abram. The one who held my face tenderly and said he was falling for me, just a few weeks ago. The one who said he could see forever in my eyes. The one who, after every night of unequivocally passionate love-making, wakes up to me, pulls me close to his warmth, nuzzles his face in my cloud of hair, and whispers that this is exactly what he wants to do tomorrow morning. And the morning after that. And the next after that until he has reached his final waking morning.
That same Abram just had a woman open his door and greet me, with a smile, ample cleavage, and no knowledge of who the fuck I was.
I grab my camera, visions of Abram and that woman doing all sorts of ungodly things stampeding through my head, each pound another nail in the coffin of my belief in love. I have got to clear my mind.
A long stroll along the riverwalk proves beneficial. I take a few shots of the kids playing in the newly-added fountains in the GM Plaza. A few shots of passers-by blasting old school music from their speedboats. And a few couples, quietly enjoying their afternoon, the intimate gazes and interlocking of fingers reminding me of what I'm missing. Strumming my pain.
My phone rings about ten times. All Abram. I don't answer.
Now he wants to talk. Hmph. Now he can call. Too late. There is nothing I want to hear from him right now. Nothing.
But persistence pays off, I guess. After about the twentieth call from his cell number, I pick up.
"What do you want, Abram." I don't hide my disgust at all.
"Oh, hello, Ata?" He stumbles as if he wasn't expecting me to answer. "Baby, we need to talk. That, what you saw back there... it's not what you think."
"You've had all these hours and you couldn't come up with anything more original than 'it's not what you think', Abram? Come on now."
"It's the truth, Ata. That was just business, I swear."
"Couldn't tell you the last time I had my 'business' guest's cleavage answering my door, Abram. Must be a really sweet deal. You've been avoiding me, being rude on the phone, not answering half my calls, all because you thought I was with my ex when you heard him in the background on the phone. But I get to your house and this heifer is answering your door with her breasts hanging all out? Forgive me if I'm not buying your bull."
"I'm not saying I was right, Ata. I've been pulling back a little, yes. But that Jaylen incident... that threw me a little. Made me realize that I have feelings invested in you, Ata. I'm not trying to get hurt. Not trying to be played. Being honest, that scared me a little. A lot."
Why do men always used the 'I don't want to get hurt' excuse for everything they do. I don't want you to hurt me baby, that's why I was with her. I can't let you hurt me, that's why I didn't call.
What. The. Fuck. Ever.
"Save it, Abram. All you had to do was talk to me. But not right now. Right now, I'm about to go. I'm downtown by myself, and that's what I want to do. Be by myself. So, bye."
"Ata ... don't hang up. I love you, Ata. I swear I do. And I had this really elaborate plan I was going to do, and it was going to be face to face when I told you, but I feel like I need to say it now. I love you. This past week has made me realize it even more. I don't even want to think of me being without you."
I try to stop them, but the tears spring up without my consent. Well up in my eyes and blur my vision of the beautiful day. My feet stop moving and all I can do is stand there. I've wanted to hear this from him for so long. So long. But like this? He waits until he has to get back in my good graces and pulls the 'I love you' trump card.
"Abram, I've got to go. Good bye." I curse my betraying voice for cracking as I speak.
"Don't hang up after I just spilled my heart to you, Ata. Don't do that. You don't want to hang up. You want to work this out. So just tell me where you're at downtown and I'll come there."
The tears congregate more, but I refuse to let them drop. It wasn't supposed to be like this. It just wasn't.
"I'll talk to you later, Abram." I say, hanging up as he starts to plead his case once again.
Business? That's the best he could come up with? No way.
Monday, April 14, 2008
14: "IS SHE THE REASON..."
The sister circle has convened in full force. Jasmine, Jamaica, Keisha, Michelle and Sade have all gathered in my small apartment.
Operation Get Ata Back to Normal is in full effect.
I have been trolling the recesses of my mind, trying to figure out how on earth I arrived at this point with Abram.
I think he hates me.
No seriously, I do.
Since that day he had 'company', we haven't spoken to each other.
Not even once.
That was seven days ago. Seven.
He called me the day after I spoke to him. The first time, I didn't answer. He left no message.
My phone immediately rang again. This time, he left a message.
"Ata, if you don't answer, we'll never resolve this." All he said.
He hasn't called since. And I refuse to call him. The fact that he didn't call me back that night and waited until the next day has allowed all kinds of crazy thoughts to invade and take over my mind.
Company. Hmph.
"Ata, you've got to stop moping around. Let's go out tonight, get our dance on." Jam says, rubbing my arm.
"No, I don't feel like it, you guys ... really. I'm gonna stay in tonight."
I should call him. I know I should. After all, I am the origin of this whole ordeal in the first place.
Something about 'company', though. Something about that pissed me off. Can't seem to get un-pissed.
"Well we're not going to just sit around here and let you be miserable. We'll just have to drag you out. And if it's that serious Ata, just call the man. Dang." Jasmine chimes in.
"I'm not calling him."
"So you're gonna let something this minute keep you from happiness? You don't even know, it could have been his cousin or something. If it was even a girl. If he even had company at all. You know how men are Ata." Michelle reasoned.
"Doubt it." I say stubbornly.
We spend the next hour and a half talking, laughing, and listening to music. They manage to breakthrough, put me in a better mood. By the time they are preparing to leave, I feel much better.
I love my friends.
I make the decision to go over there. I need to look at him when we talk about this.
Need to see his eyes.
I shower, wash my hair, put it in a low puff, slip into my favorite summer dress and heels, and perfect the makeup.
Hotness.
I leave home feeling on top of the world. Even stop by CVS and purchase a cute 'I'm sorry' card for extra measure. When I pull up to his place, I'm thankful to see his car parked in his usual spot. I strut up, giving myself a pep talk the entire way.
I can do this.
Two light knocks is all I give. A tinge of nerves has crept up on me all of a sudden. When the door starts to open, I pull my lips into the sweetest smile.
I start before it opens all the way. "Before you speak, let me just say ..." Then I stop.
It isn't Abram. Not even close.
Unless of course he has grown a pair, a nice pair, of boobs and decided to get tracks that hang down his back.
She is gorgeous.
... And she is answering his door. Abram's door. My man's door. This gorgeous woman just answered my man's door.
Oh. hell. no.
She looks startled, a worried look crossing her face as she witnesses my sweet grin be immediately replaced with a grim expression.
"Hello ..." She says, straining her expression into a nervous smile.
"Hey Tisha, who is it?" Abram's voice rings out from the depths of his large apartment.
"You know what, that's not important." I say before she can even ask. I turn away, hoping to escape before Abram makes his way to the front.
I'm not fast enough.
"Ata! Wait! Where are you going? Ata!" He yells as he runs out his front door.
"I don't want to hear it, Abram! Save it. Just save it." I yell, tears stinging my irises. I pick up the pace, reach my car, lock both doors.
Abram is still yelling, screaming something incomprehensible to my angry ears.
I don't even know who he is anymore.
I am beyond pissed. I speed off, stubborn tears flowing down my cheeks.
I'm just gonna drive. Don't know where to, but, I just need to drive. Have to get away. I pop in my Destiny's Child cd. Blast track number five. Lose myself in the lyrics, and drive.
Is she the reason you don't call like you use to?
Fall through my hood like you used to
or put it on me hard like you used to do ...
I know in my mind what's going on
but my heart won't let me go until I know ...
Damn.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
hey people!!
okay okay okay...i just want to say thank you to everyone who has persuaded me to keep ms. Ata's life going. i wasn't sure if it was going to be continued but now i know for sure that i will. new chapter up on Monday.
again, thanks for reading. your eyes and comments are much appreciated. :)
-Muze
okay okay okay...i just want to say thank you to everyone who has persuaded me to keep ms. Ata's life going. i wasn't sure if it was going to be continued but now i know for sure that i will. new chapter up on Monday.
again, thanks for reading. your eyes and comments are much appreciated. :)
-Muze
Monday, December 10, 2007
13: "COMPANY?"
NOTE: if you missed any chapters, please click on the chapters/installments on the left to catch up! thanks!
"But mom, just listen, please."
"No Ata, you listen. There is no reason for you to be anywhere near that despicable man. And to risk your relationship with Abram for it? What were you thinking? Do you even remember what he did to you?"
She is emphatic. I knew there was no way she was going to understand why I hadn't told Abram about seeing Jaylen at school. As much anger as I have for him for doing what he has done to me, my mother has twice as much. She hates seeing me go through any kind of pain, as any mother that is protective of their child does.
"Yes mother, I remember. And no, I am not going to start being nice to him, or even communicating with him at all. Stop worrying. " I say, tired of this conversation we've been having for the last twenty minutes.
"I just want you to be careful Ata. That man is nothing but trouble. I knew that years ago when he walked in my door for the first time with those sneaky eyes. I don't want to see him cause anymore problems for you, ever." She says, her tone softer now.
"I am mother. Like I said, I'm not communicating with him anymore. But that doesn't matter to Abram. He's still pretty pissed." I say, thinking about our conversation this morning. Abram answered me in one-word answers for all of the two minutes he was on the phone with me, before he said he 'had work to do' and got off the phone. He hasn't called me back all day.
"Well baby, that is to be expected. Abram is a man. And a man's ego is very fragile. You missing his performance while just happening to be with your ex whom he does already not like is not sitting well with him. He probably doesn't know whether he can trust you or not now. You're just going to figure out how to earn that trust back. That is if you truly care about being with him."
She is right. I want to make this right. I have to make this right. This whole argument and misunderstanding concerning Jaylen has me very disconcerted. I hate it. I need to talk to him.
"You're right. I'm gonna go over there. I'll talk to you later mom. Love you." I say, not giving her a chance to continue her lecture.
I know I was wrong. I know Abram is right. I know I know I know. I'm so sick of people gasping when I tell them what happened, like it was the worst thing I could have ever possibly done in our relationship. It's not like I was cheating or anything.
Walking around my empty apartment is strange. I'm so used to Abram being around, it's weird not having his scent on my pillow. Or my towel. Or making breakfast for one. It's only been a week since he's been over, but it seems like so much longer. My apartment misses him.
My hair is a mess. I've been wearing a messy bun for the last three days and it is in desperate need of attention. I have a rare day off from work so I decide to take advantage of it and give some much needed TLC to my fro.
I wash my hair with conditioner, followed by a deep condition, rinse it out, shake, and throw a cute headband on. Tomorrow I will be more creative. I hope.
When I finally strum up the nerve to call Abram, it is already five o' clock in the evening.
"This is Abram." He answers like he does for business. Jerk. He knows it is me.
"Just the man I'm looking for... I hope." I say jokingly.
"Hello Ata." That's all I get.
"Hi babe. You busy? I just wanted to talk for a minute." I let out, nervous all of a sudden.
"Kinda." He says. Even his breathing is impatient with me.
"Okay I get it Abram, you're mad at me. I get it already. But how long are you going to stay this way? I mean, it's been a week. You know you miss me." I'm tired of doing this. All week our conversations have been like this one.
"I don't know." He answers honestly. Doesn't even acknowledge the part about missing me. Dangit.
"Look, I'm sorry Abram. I really am. But I can't take this anymore. I miss you. I miss my boyfriend. I'm tired of sleeping alone. I need you." I say sincerely, organizing the photography books on my mahogany coffee table.
At least that's one good thing that has come out of me spending less time with Abram. I've managed to clean my apartment up into a semi-organized place. It actually looks more spacious and pretty nice. I'm proud of myself.
"What are you doing right now?" He says, his voice devoid of any kind of emotion.
"Cleaning, why?" I say.
"I've gotta call you back. I have company." He says matter-of-factly.
A thud drops in my heart. Company? In all the time I've known Abram, he's never used that term when his guy friends were over. It has to be a girl.
"Oh so is that what we've come to Abram? Playing tit for tat? You do something to me so I'll do something to you, huh? Who is your company?" I say.
"I'm not doing anything to you Ata. Everything is not about you. Something you can't seem to get through your head. I'm a grown man, I'm old enough to have company. And you don't know them."
What was happening? What happened to my sweet, sensitive Abram? Was what I did so bad that I deserved to be treated like this? No.
I haven't seen and barely talked to him in a week and now he's got company?
"Alright Abram, I don't know what is going on here, but alright. If what I did to you was so bad then be mad. Break up with me. But don't play these games with me. I've had enough games in my life. If we're to the company-having stage of this... whatever it is we're doing right now, then let me know."
I am pissed. Feel the tears welling up behind my closed lids. I'm talking a good game though.
"Ata, I'm not playing games with you. I've gotta go. I'll hit you back."
He hangs up before I can say anything else and I lose the battle with my tears. I can't believe this. I just can't believe it.
"But mom, just listen, please."
"No Ata, you listen. There is no reason for you to be anywhere near that despicable man. And to risk your relationship with Abram for it? What were you thinking? Do you even remember what he did to you?"
She is emphatic. I knew there was no way she was going to understand why I hadn't told Abram about seeing Jaylen at school. As much anger as I have for him for doing what he has done to me, my mother has twice as much. She hates seeing me go through any kind of pain, as any mother that is protective of their child does.
"Yes mother, I remember. And no, I am not going to start being nice to him, or even communicating with him at all. Stop worrying. " I say, tired of this conversation we've been having for the last twenty minutes.
"I just want you to be careful Ata. That man is nothing but trouble. I knew that years ago when he walked in my door for the first time with those sneaky eyes. I don't want to see him cause anymore problems for you, ever." She says, her tone softer now.
"I am mother. Like I said, I'm not communicating with him anymore. But that doesn't matter to Abram. He's still pretty pissed." I say, thinking about our conversation this morning. Abram answered me in one-word answers for all of the two minutes he was on the phone with me, before he said he 'had work to do' and got off the phone. He hasn't called me back all day.
"Well baby, that is to be expected. Abram is a man. And a man's ego is very fragile. You missing his performance while just happening to be with your ex whom he does already not like is not sitting well with him. He probably doesn't know whether he can trust you or not now. You're just going to figure out how to earn that trust back. That is if you truly care about being with him."
She is right. I want to make this right. I have to make this right. This whole argument and misunderstanding concerning Jaylen has me very disconcerted. I hate it. I need to talk to him.
"You're right. I'm gonna go over there. I'll talk to you later mom. Love you." I say, not giving her a chance to continue her lecture.
I know I was wrong. I know Abram is right. I know I know I know. I'm so sick of people gasping when I tell them what happened, like it was the worst thing I could have ever possibly done in our relationship. It's not like I was cheating or anything.
Walking around my empty apartment is strange. I'm so used to Abram being around, it's weird not having his scent on my pillow. Or my towel. Or making breakfast for one. It's only been a week since he's been over, but it seems like so much longer. My apartment misses him.
My hair is a mess. I've been wearing a messy bun for the last three days and it is in desperate need of attention. I have a rare day off from work so I decide to take advantage of it and give some much needed TLC to my fro.
I wash my hair with conditioner, followed by a deep condition, rinse it out, shake, and throw a cute headband on. Tomorrow I will be more creative. I hope.
When I finally strum up the nerve to call Abram, it is already five o' clock in the evening.
"This is Abram." He answers like he does for business. Jerk. He knows it is me.
"Just the man I'm looking for... I hope." I say jokingly.
"Hello Ata." That's all I get.
"Hi babe. You busy? I just wanted to talk for a minute." I let out, nervous all of a sudden.
"Kinda." He says. Even his breathing is impatient with me.
"Okay I get it Abram, you're mad at me. I get it already. But how long are you going to stay this way? I mean, it's been a week. You know you miss me." I'm tired of doing this. All week our conversations have been like this one.
"I don't know." He answers honestly. Doesn't even acknowledge the part about missing me. Dangit.
"Look, I'm sorry Abram. I really am. But I can't take this anymore. I miss you. I miss my boyfriend. I'm tired of sleeping alone. I need you." I say sincerely, organizing the photography books on my mahogany coffee table.
At least that's one good thing that has come out of me spending less time with Abram. I've managed to clean my apartment up into a semi-organized place. It actually looks more spacious and pretty nice. I'm proud of myself.
"What are you doing right now?" He says, his voice devoid of any kind of emotion.
"Cleaning, why?" I say.
"I've gotta call you back. I have company." He says matter-of-factly.
A thud drops in my heart. Company? In all the time I've known Abram, he's never used that term when his guy friends were over. It has to be a girl.
"Oh so is that what we've come to Abram? Playing tit for tat? You do something to me so I'll do something to you, huh? Who is your company?" I say.
"I'm not doing anything to you Ata. Everything is not about you. Something you can't seem to get through your head. I'm a grown man, I'm old enough to have company. And you don't know them."
What was happening? What happened to my sweet, sensitive Abram? Was what I did so bad that I deserved to be treated like this? No.
I haven't seen and barely talked to him in a week and now he's got company?
"Alright Abram, I don't know what is going on here, but alright. If what I did to you was so bad then be mad. Break up with me. But don't play these games with me. I've had enough games in my life. If we're to the company-having stage of this... whatever it is we're doing right now, then let me know."
I am pissed. Feel the tears welling up behind my closed lids. I'm talking a good game though.
"Ata, I'm not playing games with you. I've gotta go. I'll hit you back."
He hangs up before I can say anything else and I lose the battle with my tears. I can't believe this. I just can't believe it.
Thursday, December 6, 2007
I HAVEN'T BEEN SLACKING....REALLY!
Hey all!
As you may have noticed it has been quite a while since I've last put up a new chapter. I just wanted to apologize to everyone for the delay (and acknowledge all of the not-so-nice emails I've been getting telling me to snap to it. lol) and tell you all that the reason is because the month of November was NaNoWriMo, or national novel writing month, which I am proud to say that i was successful in. The challenge is to write a 175 page or 50,000 word novel from Nov 1st to Nov 30. So yay! I did it! Now that that is over I will resume with the daily doings of Ms. Ata and her man Abram. The next chapter will be up by Monday, December 10th. Thank you all for your support and interest and keep reading, I've been cooking up some juicy details for Ata!
smiles!
-Muze
As you may have noticed it has been quite a while since I've last put up a new chapter. I just wanted to apologize to everyone for the delay (and acknowledge all of the not-so-nice emails I've been getting telling me to snap to it. lol) and tell you all that the reason is because the month of November was NaNoWriMo, or national novel writing month, which I am proud to say that i was successful in. The challenge is to write a 175 page or 50,000 word novel from Nov 1st to Nov 30. So yay! I did it! Now that that is over I will resume with the daily doings of Ms. Ata and her man Abram. The next chapter will be up by Monday, December 10th. Thank you all for your support and interest and keep reading, I've been cooking up some juicy details for Ata!
smiles!
-Muze
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
12: "BACK TIGHT"
The song is beautiful.
A mixture of the sweetest melody and the softest whisper of love. He is pouring his soul into it. One would never know the ire he is holding inside for me right now, the way he is singing his new love ballad.
Standing at the back of the club, I can see nearly all of Abram's family and friends have come out to support him. They are taking up the first four or five tables, a look of pride and adoration on all their faces.
Abram's friend George was nice enough to convince him to do 'my' song last, so that I would be able to hear it. I can't thank him enough. On my way here he sent me a text message informing me that if I sped fast enough, I would get to hear it. It really is lovely. Reminiscent of a Donell Jones/Boyz II Men/Brian McKnight type of love song. One that really touches you. I listen to the words and feel even worse.
Jam and I have a seat at the only empty table in the back of the room. A table with what must be the record label representative is the only one that isn't full of people bobbing their heads slowly to Abram's rhythm. The man sitting alone is cool, calm, collected. Dressed in an expensive black suit, he sips the brown contents of his small glass slowly, intently. Then stares back at Abram, twirling the ice around in his cup with the motion of his hand. He is careful not to show neither impression nor dislike.
Yeah, that is definitely him.
"Girl, he can sing! I mean really sing. You better hold on to him, he is about to blow up, I'm telling you." Jam says enthusiastically over the music.
I smile. "Yeah he is really good isn't he? I think the scout is liking him too. How can he not be impressed?"
We quiet and listen to the remainder of the song, my heart beating faster as he nears the end. I have no idea how he is going to react to seeing me. I have to make this right though. Our first real fight. I guess that means we are growing as a couple, that's one positive way to view it. Somehow I don't think Abram will share that opinion though.
When he ends, the crowd erupts. They all loved him. I'm so proud of my baby. I try to catch his eyes, but he doesn't look my way. I take Jamaica's hand and make my way through the still-clapping crowd. When I get to the table where Abram's mother and father are sitting, she sees me right away.
"Ata, hey! I didn't know you were here. Abram said you were tied up with some things tonight. He didn't think you were going to make it." She says, hugging me tightly.
Even though he is pissed at me, he didn't let his family know that. A sigh of relief escapes my lips.
"Oh, yeah I confused my dates and had something else tonight, but I got here in time to hear the last song. Absolutely beautiful. I wish I could have heard his whole set." I say.
"Yeah, well he did wonderful. I just hope that man over there feels the same way." She whispers, nodding her head in the direction of the one Jam and I had already assumed was him. "I think I'm going to go speak to him."
"Oh no you're not, mama. Come back here." We both hear Abrams voice and turn around abruptly.
When I turn around he is right behind me. I smelled his strong cologne before I even turned around. He looks at me blankly, then turns his attention to his mother.
"Oh baby, you did so good! You're on your way to stardom baby, I can just see it. I was just going to go talk to the man, see where his head is at, that's all." Mrs. Montgomery smiles and hugs her son.
Jam and I move to the side, let Abram greet and thank his family and friends who came to support him.
"He can't be that mad. I mean, how long have you known about this? What if you already had plans or something?" Jam tries to reason with me, but I know I am wrong.
"He told me about this a week ago, Jam. I know he is mad. He didn't even smile at me. He has never not smiled when he's seen me. Besides, I think he's more mad at the fact that I was 'with' Jaylen of all places to be when I'm missing his performance."
"Yeah, that is kinda messed up. Good luck with that." She says. No help at all. She turns to Abram, who is walking up to us. "Great performance Abram, I hope you get the deal." She smiles Abrams way, gives him a slight hug, and walks off to mingle with the crowd.
Abram's brow is furrowed. A mixture of disappointment and anger cloud his expression.
He looks at me, then past me. Slides by without a word. Pastes a smile on his face and goes to greet the person he wanted to impress most tonight. They shake hands vigorously, the young white man in the expensive black suit finally releasing a smile.
They talk for a minute, his last words being "I'll call you." to Abram. That is if my lip-reading skills are up to par. I sit down at the table nearest me as they exchange another handshake and then Abram walks back over to say goodbye to his family.
When he finally makes his way back to me, the furrow between his brows is back. He stares at me for a while, not saying anything. Then a curt, "Let's go."
The silence is killing me. But I really don't know how to fix this. I have to say something.
"I don't know what to say. All I can say is I'm sorry, Abram. Really sorry."
The furrow deepens.
"What were you doing with him? How long have you been speaking to him?"
"Abram, it's... not like that. I wasn't with him. He just happened to be there when I was there. He was just walking up when you heard him talking."
His eyes squint with disbelief. "So you're telling me that tonight is the first time you've seen him since that day at the restaurant? I don't believe that Ata."
I fiddle with my fingers as we walk to the back of the stage to get Abram's stuff.
"Well, no. I saw him at school one day. But that's it." I say quietly.
"Yeah, I bet. I didn't know we were lying to each other now Ata, but thanks for telling me. I guess I can be more selective in what I tell you from now on too."
He grabs his music book. A beautiful bouquet of red roses rests right beside it. He picks them up hastily, roughly pushes them against my chest. Not enough to sway me, but enough to know he is pissed.
"Here." He says and walks back out into the lingering crowd.
I am speechless. Yes, I should have told him about seeing Jaylen, but was it really that bad? I didn't call him, and wasn't planning on ever seeing him again. Him showing up at that club was purely coincidental.
I find Jamaica talking to the in-house band, trying to get the drummer's sticks. "Jam, let's go." I say, looking around for Abram. I don't see him anywhere.
When we get to Jamaica's car, I see Abram sitting in his not too far away. When he sees me walking towards him, I am fulling expecting him to peel off and leave me in the parking lot.
He doesn't though. Just sits there with the car running. The passenger door is unlocked.
"Abram, please don't let this one stupid night come between us. It really is all a misunderstanding. And me forgetting about tonight, well... that was just stupidity on my part. I don't know what I was thinking about." I say honestly, then tell him the exact happenings of tonight and that day I saw Jaylen at school.
The furrow has lessened, but it's still there. "If I can't trust you, I can't love you, Ata. That's real. I just can't do it. I can deal with a lot of things... you being spoiled, bratty, selfish, bitchy, self-centered, expensive. I can deal with all those. You being a liar, I can't do it. I won't do it."
I can't help but crack a slight smile at his seriousness. "Well damn Abram, tell me how you really feel why don't you?" I say jokingly.
I'm glad to see a small glimmer of humor in his eyes when I say this. It quickly vanishes and is replaced with a look of anger though.
"Well, you are all those things. But your good qualities outweigh the bad most of the time. Just don't lie to me, Ata. ...and don't forget the most important performance of my life, dammit." He says exhaustedly.
I scoot close to him, kiss him softly on his beautiful mouth. "It will never happen again, Abram. I promise you that. I'm kinda pissed at myself for missing your performance too, although I did hear most of the last song thanks to George. It is lovely, baby. Thank you."
"Call me and let me know you made it home." Abram says. He turns his head away from me, grits his teeth, his jaw muscles tight and unforgiving.
I pull one rose out of the bunch, lay it on his dash. "Okay." I say as I get out and walk over to Jamaica, waiting in the car.
"So you guys good now?" She says, watching Abram pull off.
"Yeah, we're good." I say, knowing it is somewhat of a lie.
Monday, October 15, 2007
11: "BUMPING HEADS"
NOTE: if you missed any chapters, please click on the chapters/installments on the left to catch up! thanks!
"Jam, look over there. See that guy sitting in the corner? He keeps motioning for me to get your attention. You think he's cute?"
Jamaica smiles, pretends we're talking about something other than the man across the dimly lit lounge. All I can make out clearly is his watch, shining up at us from across the room. He's either got money, or wants people to think he does.
She shifts, bends down and fixes the strap on her shoe that doesn't need fixing. When she straightens she glances Mr. Bling's way.
"He's alright. Nothing to call home about. He is definitely no Jason." She says dreamily. "But I am feeling that watch." We both laugh.
"Well, I've never dated a..... what is his ethnicity anyway?" She asks, trying to decipher the origins of his dark straight hair that has been tousled with a little gel, and his olive skin.
"I'm guessing he is Chaldean?" I say, unsure myself.
"Well yeah, I've never dated a Chaldean....but he is kinda sexy. Too bad he still isn't Jason."
I have to chuckle at her antics. Jam is always cracking me up. Even though Jason isn't my favorite person, he seems to be making her happy, and that's okay with me.
The man we've dubbed Mr. Bling continues to stare over at us, intensely focusing his eyes on Jamaica.
"Girl, I need a plan. He looks like he's about to come over here. I am not feeling like this tonight." Jamaica says, rolling her eyes in his direction when she sees Mr. Bling uncross his legs and shift in his seat, preparing to get up.
He sends her a small smile with a wink.
"Oh hell no." She mutters.
Quickly she reaches out and grabs the first man walking by us. Luckily, he was smiling down at us when he was walking past, so she is saved.
"Hey babe....come, have a seat."
Jamaica stands up, slightly pushing the caramel-cutie in the seat she was just occupying, then gently falls into his lap. The man is startled, then starts grinning, the look that my friend Jasmine calls 'the sexy eye' flooding into his eyes. He licks his lips, examines Jamaica as she sits in his lap.
"So....how are you tonight?" She says, smiling. "You're kinda cute. What's your name?"
"Khan. And you?" He says, his deep voice almost getting lost in the collective noise of the lounge.
She smiles. "Well Khan, I'm Jamiaca. And you see that guy over there? With the watch? He has been staring at me all night and he was about to come over here....thus the reason why you are so lucky to be sitting under me right now. I needed a decoy."
When I glance over to where Mr. Bling has been sitting all night, he isn't there. Hopefully he got the hint. My phone chimes, India Arie's voice singing The Truth, fighting to be heard above the neo-soul band playing on the stage in front of us.
I tap Jamaica. "This is Abram, I'll be right back."
I get up, walk towards the back of the room where there is a hallway leading to the exit. It should be a little quieter.
"Hey baby..." I say, pressing the phone to my ear with a smile.
"Ata? I can't really hear you? Where are you?"
"Oh, sorry. Hold on a minute." I exit the club, leave the muffled noise behind and enter the warm air outside. It is a beautiful night, still 78 degrees at 10pm.
"Okay....can you hear me now?" I say, sounding like the popular Verizon commercial.
"...Yeah, that's better. Where are you? Are you almost here? Don't tell me you forgot." I hear the hastiness in his voice and try to think.
Quickly my mind whizzes through all the possible things that he could be talking about. I can't come up with anything.
"I'm at the Soultry Lofts with Jamaica. What did I forget?"
"Damn Ata, is it really like that? I've been telling you about this for the last week and a half... I'm going on in three minutes!"
Oh snap.
I feel horrible. What's tonight? The twelfth...oh no. Abram is performing his new song, that he wrote about me no less, along with a few others ones at his usual spot. Only a representative from a record label is going to be there, the one he's been trying to get to for months.
Dammit.
"Your performance....oh man Abram. It completely escaped my mind! Why didn't you remind me earlier?" I say, knowing that he shouldn't have had to remind me.
"Come on Ata, how could you forget something important as this? You should have had this marked on you calendar in that damn blackberry you're always on. This is important to me.... and it should be to you."
I promised him I would be there. How could I forget this? My heart weighs down with guilt. I am clear across town, there is no way I will be able to make it on time, but I'm going to try.
"Oh Abram..... I'm so--"
"Nah, don't even worry about it Ata. You remember what you want to remember." He cuts me off. "Hope you're having fun with Jamaica, since that's what's important to you."
I am so consumed with my conversation with Abram that I don't even notice Jaylen step out of a gold BMW and toss the keys to the valet. Before I can get a word in to Abram, Jaylen is standing in front of me.
"Nafi...I'm telling you, it must be fate. We keep running into each other everywhere. Unless of course, you're just stalking me." He smiles, his small earring and watch shining more than Mr. Bling's inside.
"What the....? Who was that Ata? Thought you were with Jamaica?" Abram's voice rings in my ear.
I was hoping he hadn't heard that.
"No...no no, I am with Jamaica, Abram. That was just some guy I know."
I want to tell him the truth, but in his current state of anger it would only make things worse. Abram and I haven't been spending much time together because of our busy schedules, so the chances for me to be randomly bumping into my ex would be slim to none in his mind.
In the background, I hear a man announce Abram's name, followed by a thunderous applause. His whole family must be there tonight.
And I'm not.
"Some guy? I heard him call you Nafi, Ata. That's that clown from the restaurant isn't it? Now you're lying? I don't have time for this shit right now Ata. I'm supposed to be performing. Tell your date I said what up."
I try to say something, anything that will clean up some of the mess I have just gotten myself into, but a cold silence is all that responds. Abram hung up. And he is angry. Very angry. And I can't blame him.
This looks bad. So bad. I can't believe I forgot one of the most important days of his life. What was I thinking? I feel horrible.
"Nafi, is everything alright? I didn't mean to cause any drama. Dude needs to relax, for real." Jaylen walks toward me, noticing my frown.
I am angry at myself, at him, at this whole situation. Right now it feels better to focus it all on him.
"Listen to me, don't talk to me! Don't come around me! Don't speak to me if you see me out....just stay away from me! You're always destroying something in my life! Just stay away!" I scream.
The few people standing outside turn their attention towards us, look at me like I've just escaped the psych ward.
"Well damn, I just said hi." He says, clearly amused that he has once again caused some conflict between Abram and I.
I ignore him. Hurry back inside, with him following behind. When I find Jamaica she is sitting in the seat I left empty, next to the cutie who saved her from Mr. Bling.
"Jam, we have to go. Abram is pissed at me. He is performing at Grand Central tonight for that record label and I'm not there. We have to go. Now." I say, almost tearing up.
In all the time we've been dating, Abram has never been this angry at me. Sure, we've had our spats, but I've never even heard him curse before. I have to repair this right away. My head is floating, heart slamming. This looks so bad.
"That's tonight? What..." Jam's voice trails off when she sees Jaylen standing behind me. Reflexively, she cuts and rolls her eyes at him. "Why is this fool here? I know you didn't come here to meet him, did you?" She says accusingly, the hatred in her eyes acute for Jaylen.
"No Jam! Look, let's just go. I will explain in the car. I've got to get to Grand Central before Abram leaves." I respond, grabbing her arm as I turn to leave.
She waves a quick bye to Khan, still sitting there perplexed, and a little annoyed at me for ruining his night I guess, and turns back to Jaylen, the hatred still resonate in her eyes.
"If you had anything to do with this, I'd better not see you again."
Jaylen smirks, lets out a chuckle, and watches us hurry out the door.
"Jam, look over there. See that guy sitting in the corner? He keeps motioning for me to get your attention. You think he's cute?"
Jamaica smiles, pretends we're talking about something other than the man across the dimly lit lounge. All I can make out clearly is his watch, shining up at us from across the room. He's either got money, or wants people to think he does.
She shifts, bends down and fixes the strap on her shoe that doesn't need fixing. When she straightens she glances Mr. Bling's way.
"He's alright. Nothing to call home about. He is definitely no Jason." She says dreamily. "But I am feeling that watch." We both laugh.
"Well, I've never dated a..... what is his ethnicity anyway?" She asks, trying to decipher the origins of his dark straight hair that has been tousled with a little gel, and his olive skin.
"I'm guessing he is Chaldean?" I say, unsure myself.
"Well yeah, I've never dated a Chaldean....but he is kinda sexy. Too bad he still isn't Jason."
I have to chuckle at her antics. Jam is always cracking me up. Even though Jason isn't my favorite person, he seems to be making her happy, and that's okay with me.
The man we've dubbed Mr. Bling continues to stare over at us, intensely focusing his eyes on Jamaica.
"Girl, I need a plan. He looks like he's about to come over here. I am not feeling like this tonight." Jamaica says, rolling her eyes in his direction when she sees Mr. Bling uncross his legs and shift in his seat, preparing to get up.
He sends her a small smile with a wink.
"Oh hell no." She mutters.
Quickly she reaches out and grabs the first man walking by us. Luckily, he was smiling down at us when he was walking past, so she is saved.
"Hey babe....come, have a seat."
Jamaica stands up, slightly pushing the caramel-cutie in the seat she was just occupying, then gently falls into his lap. The man is startled, then starts grinning, the look that my friend Jasmine calls 'the sexy eye' flooding into his eyes. He licks his lips, examines Jamaica as she sits in his lap.
"So....how are you tonight?" She says, smiling. "You're kinda cute. What's your name?"
"Khan. And you?" He says, his deep voice almost getting lost in the collective noise of the lounge.
She smiles. "Well Khan, I'm Jamiaca. And you see that guy over there? With the watch? He has been staring at me all night and he was about to come over here....thus the reason why you are so lucky to be sitting under me right now. I needed a decoy."
When I glance over to where Mr. Bling has been sitting all night, he isn't there. Hopefully he got the hint. My phone chimes, India Arie's voice singing The Truth, fighting to be heard above the neo-soul band playing on the stage in front of us.
I tap Jamaica. "This is Abram, I'll be right back."
I get up, walk towards the back of the room where there is a hallway leading to the exit. It should be a little quieter.
"Hey baby..." I say, pressing the phone to my ear with a smile.
"Ata? I can't really hear you? Where are you?"
"Oh, sorry. Hold on a minute." I exit the club, leave the muffled noise behind and enter the warm air outside. It is a beautiful night, still 78 degrees at 10pm.
"Okay....can you hear me now?" I say, sounding like the popular Verizon commercial.
"...Yeah, that's better. Where are you? Are you almost here? Don't tell me you forgot." I hear the hastiness in his voice and try to think.
Quickly my mind whizzes through all the possible things that he could be talking about. I can't come up with anything.
"I'm at the Soultry Lofts with Jamaica. What did I forget?"
"Damn Ata, is it really like that? I've been telling you about this for the last week and a half... I'm going on in three minutes!"
Oh snap.
I feel horrible. What's tonight? The twelfth...oh no. Abram is performing his new song, that he wrote about me no less, along with a few others ones at his usual spot. Only a representative from a record label is going to be there, the one he's been trying to get to for months.
Dammit.
"Your performance....oh man Abram. It completely escaped my mind! Why didn't you remind me earlier?" I say, knowing that he shouldn't have had to remind me.
"Come on Ata, how could you forget something important as this? You should have had this marked on you calendar in that damn blackberry you're always on. This is important to me.... and it should be to you."
I promised him I would be there. How could I forget this? My heart weighs down with guilt. I am clear across town, there is no way I will be able to make it on time, but I'm going to try.
"Oh Abram..... I'm so--"
"Nah, don't even worry about it Ata. You remember what you want to remember." He cuts me off. "Hope you're having fun with Jamaica, since that's what's important to you."
I am so consumed with my conversation with Abram that I don't even notice Jaylen step out of a gold BMW and toss the keys to the valet. Before I can get a word in to Abram, Jaylen is standing in front of me.
"Nafi...I'm telling you, it must be fate. We keep running into each other everywhere. Unless of course, you're just stalking me." He smiles, his small earring and watch shining more than Mr. Bling's inside.
"What the....? Who was that Ata? Thought you were with Jamaica?" Abram's voice rings in my ear.
I was hoping he hadn't heard that.
"No...no no, I am with Jamaica, Abram. That was just some guy I know."
I want to tell him the truth, but in his current state of anger it would only make things worse. Abram and I haven't been spending much time together because of our busy schedules, so the chances for me to be randomly bumping into my ex would be slim to none in his mind.
In the background, I hear a man announce Abram's name, followed by a thunderous applause. His whole family must be there tonight.
And I'm not.
"Some guy? I heard him call you Nafi, Ata. That's that clown from the restaurant isn't it? Now you're lying? I don't have time for this shit right now Ata. I'm supposed to be performing. Tell your date I said what up."
I try to say something, anything that will clean up some of the mess I have just gotten myself into, but a cold silence is all that responds. Abram hung up. And he is angry. Very angry. And I can't blame him.
This looks bad. So bad. I can't believe I forgot one of the most important days of his life. What was I thinking? I feel horrible.
"Nafi, is everything alright? I didn't mean to cause any drama. Dude needs to relax, for real." Jaylen walks toward me, noticing my frown.
I am angry at myself, at him, at this whole situation. Right now it feels better to focus it all on him.
"Listen to me, don't talk to me! Don't come around me! Don't speak to me if you see me out....just stay away from me! You're always destroying something in my life! Just stay away!" I scream.
The few people standing outside turn their attention towards us, look at me like I've just escaped the psych ward.
"Well damn, I just said hi." He says, clearly amused that he has once again caused some conflict between Abram and I.
I ignore him. Hurry back inside, with him following behind. When I find Jamaica she is sitting in the seat I left empty, next to the cutie who saved her from Mr. Bling.
"Jam, we have to go. Abram is pissed at me. He is performing at Grand Central tonight for that record label and I'm not there. We have to go. Now." I say, almost tearing up.
In all the time we've been dating, Abram has never been this angry at me. Sure, we've had our spats, but I've never even heard him curse before. I have to repair this right away. My head is floating, heart slamming. This looks so bad.
"That's tonight? What..." Jam's voice trails off when she sees Jaylen standing behind me. Reflexively, she cuts and rolls her eyes at him. "Why is this fool here? I know you didn't come here to meet him, did you?" She says accusingly, the hatred in her eyes acute for Jaylen.
"No Jam! Look, let's just go. I will explain in the car. I've got to get to Grand Central before Abram leaves." I respond, grabbing her arm as I turn to leave.
She waves a quick bye to Khan, still sitting there perplexed, and a little annoyed at me for ruining his night I guess, and turns back to Jaylen, the hatred still resonate in her eyes.
"If you had anything to do with this, I'd better not see you again."
Jaylen smirks, lets out a chuckle, and watches us hurry out the door.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
