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"But mom, just listen, please."
"No Ata, you listen. There is no reason for you to be anywhere near that despicable man. And to risk your relationship with Abram for it? What were you thinking? Do you even remember what he did to you?"
She is emphatic. I knew there was no way she was going to understand why I hadn't told Abram about seeing Jaylen at school. As much anger as I have for him for doing what he has done to me, my mother has twice as much. She hates seeing me go through any kind of pain, as any mother that is protective of their child does.
"Yes mother, I remember. And no, I am not going to start being nice to him, or even communicating with him at all. Stop worrying. " I say, tired of this conversation we've been having for the last twenty minutes.
"I just want you to be careful Ata. That man is nothing but trouble. I knew that years ago when he walked in my door for the first time with those sneaky eyes. I don't want to see him cause anymore problems for you, ever." She says, her tone softer now.
"I am mother. Like I said, I'm not communicating with him anymore. But that doesn't matter to Abram. He's still pretty pissed." I say, thinking about our conversation this morning. Abram answered me in one-word answers for all of the two minutes he was on the phone with me, before he said he 'had work to do' and got off the phone. He hasn't called me back all day.
"Well baby, that is to be expected. Abram is a man. And a man's ego is very fragile. You missing his performance while just happening to be with your ex whom he does already not like is not sitting well with him. He probably doesn't know whether he can trust you or not now. You're just going to figure out how to earn that trust back. That is if you truly care about being with him."
She is right. I want to make this right. I have to make this right. This whole argument and misunderstanding concerning Jaylen has me very disconcerted. I hate it. I need to talk to him.
"You're right. I'm gonna go over there. I'll talk to you later mom. Love you." I say, not giving her a chance to continue her lecture.
I know I was wrong. I know Abram is right. I know I know I know. I'm so sick of people gasping when I tell them what happened, like it was the worst thing I could have ever possibly done in our relationship. It's not like I was cheating or anything.
Walking around my empty apartment is strange. I'm so used to Abram being around, it's weird not having his scent on my pillow. Or my towel. Or making breakfast for one. It's only been a week since he's been over, but it seems like so much longer. My apartment misses him.
My hair is a mess. I've been wearing a messy bun for the last three days and it is in desperate need of attention. I have a rare day off from work so I decide to take advantage of it and give some much needed TLC to my fro.
I wash my hair with conditioner, followed by a deep condition, rinse it out, shake, and throw a cute headband on. Tomorrow I will be more creative. I hope.
When I finally strum up the nerve to call Abram, it is already five o' clock in the evening.
"This is Abram." He answers like he does for business. Jerk. He knows it is me.
"Just the man I'm looking for... I hope." I say jokingly.
"Hello Ata." That's all I get.
"Hi babe. You busy? I just wanted to talk for a minute." I let out, nervous all of a sudden.
"Kinda." He says. Even his breathing is impatient with me.
"Okay I get it Abram, you're mad at me. I get it already. But how long are you going to stay this way? I mean, it's been a week. You know you miss me." I'm tired of doing this. All week our conversations have been like this one.
"I don't know." He answers honestly. Doesn't even acknowledge the part about missing me. Dangit.
"Look, I'm sorry Abram. I really am. But I can't take this anymore. I miss you. I miss my boyfriend. I'm tired of sleeping alone. I need you." I say sincerely, organizing the photography books on my mahogany coffee table.
At least that's one good thing that has come out of me spending less time with Abram. I've managed to clean my apartment up into a semi-organized place. It actually looks more spacious and pretty nice. I'm proud of myself.
"What are you doing right now?" He says, his voice devoid of any kind of emotion.
"Cleaning, why?" I say.
"I've gotta call you back. I have company." He says matter-of-factly.
A thud drops in my heart. Company? In all the time I've known Abram, he's never used that term when his guy friends were over. It has to be a girl.
"Oh so is that what we've come to Abram? Playing tit for tat? You do something to me so I'll do something to you, huh? Who is your company?" I say.
"I'm not doing anything to you Ata. Everything is not about you. Something you can't seem to get through your head. I'm a grown man, I'm old enough to have company. And you don't know them."
What was happening? What happened to my sweet, sensitive Abram? Was what I did so bad that I deserved to be treated like this? No.
I haven't seen and barely talked to him in a week and now he's got company?
"Alright Abram, I don't know what is going on here, but alright. If what I did to you was so bad then be mad. Break up with me. But don't play these games with me. I've had enough games in my life. If we're to the company-having stage of this... whatever it is we're doing right now, then let me know."
I am pissed. Feel the tears welling up behind my closed lids. I'm talking a good game though.
"Ata, I'm not playing games with you. I've gotta go. I'll hit you back."
He hangs up before I can say anything else and I lose the battle with my tears. I can't believe this. I just can't believe it.